"Do you have this stuff at your house? In your room?"
"Diddling but the good kind."
"Football on a big screen, beer in one hand, another beer in the other hand. Also beer in the fridge."
"Could I get a pack of American spirits, a powerball, and I killed a guy?"
"1920 x 1080 px
Stevie Leigh Crutcher
"Tried to steal the Declaration of Independence, but accidentally stole the Bill of Rights like a moron.
"You sing beautifully when you're in the shower."
Patrick Henry Dollah
"An unwashed chainsmoker with explosive diarrhea making a meal of food-processor-fresh horseradish and old fish in a laboratory where they synthesize new and unusual thiols.
"Chuck enough fat clouds to rebuild heaven."
"There is no Thanksgiving, only Zuul."
E. Marvin Johnson
Burning flesh and burning hair.
"Go on a diet, you fat fuck."
"To do less comedy."
"I get to sit down and my parents don't see how sad I am."
"Good afternoon!" (But it's still morning.)
" I think it would be cool to have this wonderfully carefree morning, perfect temps, sunny, and trippin' on mushrooms in NYC at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with ALL of the people I love, lunch at some paradise of food buffets, then to be teleported home to finish the day smoking weed and watching tele. Maybe some "doin' it" later with someone, if I'm not too full still."
"To steal the pink panther diamond."
"To feature at more clubs."
"You look just like my daughter. She doesn't talk to me anymore. You wouldn't betray your mom like that, right?"
"Why don't you bring as many presents to the poor kids in my neighborhood?."
"First, I'd have all the traditional Thanksgiving food. Turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie. I'd have a rustic, wholesome dinner with my family all collaborating to cook, consume, and clean up after the meal.
And then, just like the Pilgrims did, I'd eat a punch of ergot-tainted wheat and just trip out of my skull for a couple hours."
"I really have to go to the bathroom? Can I just use the corner?"
"Does bleach get blood stains out of everything?"
"I told the cops firefighters were way better."
"Triggered the libs."
"Man Vs Dumpster: An Urban Camping Survival Guide."
Tucker James Rowan
"Ice Road Tucker- Menthol cigarettes and pork cracklins.
"Set fire to Donald Trump's comb-over.
"A. To sleep in more. B. To sleep in MORE SUPERMODELS. C. To sleep. (answer: A. & C.)"
"Do you work here often? How's your mom doin'?"
"Neo Neo-ball-itan: A carton of three different flavors of ice cream. Chocolate, vanilla and balls. On the box, there is a picture of Keanu Reeves."
"To do my kegels so I can literally break a dick in half."
"Are you hiring?
"For having the most deadly flower known to humankind. Kind buds."