"My ideal Thanksgiving is my uncle rage quitting Trivial Pursuit because the game has too many questions about green energy. And he won't stand for that 'liberal bullshit.' I've had three ideal Thanksgivings so far."
"Football on a big screen, beer in one hand, another beer in the other hand. Also beer in the fridge."
"Pajama pants all day, no family to be seen, plenty of Stove Top stuffing and masturbation breaks every 30 minutes."
"There is no Thanksgiving, only Zuul."
"Everyone takes turns eating, one at a time. Others watch and take notes. At the end, we critique each other constructively."
"I get to sit down and my parents don't see how sad I am."
"There's no one way to do a great Thanksgiving, but personally I find the best ones tend to fall sometime in late November."
" I think it would be cool to have this wonderfully carefree morning, perfect temps, sunny, and trippin' on mushrooms in NYC at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with ALL of the people I love, lunch at some paradise of food buffets, then to be teleported home to finish the day smoking weed and watching tele. Maybe some "doin' it" later with someone, if I'm not too full still."
"Hiccups. For both speed and decibel.
"Pumpkin spice Doritos."
"First, I'd have all the traditional Thanksgiving food. Turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie. I'd have a rustic, wholesome dinner with my family all collaborating to cook, consume, and clean up after the meal.
And then, just like the Pilgrims did, I'd eat a punch of ergot-tainted wheat and just trip out of my skull for a couple hours."
"Fat Kid Drowns." There would only be one episode.
"BBQ ribs instead of turkey. BBQ pulled pork instead of family. BBQ baked beans instead of driving to Oshkosh. Essentially I just want to go to Smokey Jon's #1 BBQ."
"My ideal Thanksgiving is Christmas."
"Man Vs Dumpster: An Urban Camping Survival Guide."
Tucker James Rowan
"Ice Road Tucker- Menthol cigarettes and pork cracklins.
"Neo Neo-ball-itan: A carton of three different flavors of ice cream. Chocolate, vanilla and balls. On the box, there is a picture of Keanu Reeves."
"I like it when I can eat myself into a coma and someone else cooks and cleans. Mmmmmm."
"My ideal Thanksgiving would take place at Plymouth Rock. Everyone I share love with is there. The final touch that brings it all together is the fact that the Apocalypse happened the day before and Thanksgiving is dead because I'm allergic to poultry."