"Football on a big screen, beer in one hand, another beer in the other hand. Also beer in the fridge."
"I'm gonna try to set these oxen free.
"1920 x 1080 px
Stevie Leigh Crutcher
"Dosing your family with edibles and leaving."
Patrick Henry Dollah
"An unwashed chainsmoker with explosive diarrhea making a meal of food-processor-fresh horseradish and old fish in a laboratory where they synthesize new and unusual thiols.
"Chuck enough fat clouds to rebuild heaven."
"There is no Thanksgiving, only Zuul."
"To do yoga once a week."
E. Marvin Johnson
Burning flesh and burning hair.
"Go on a diet, you fat fuck."
"To do less comedy."
"I get to sit down and my parents don't see how sad I am."
"There's no one way to do a great Thanksgiving, but personally I find the best ones tend to fall sometime in late November."
" I think it would be cool to have this wonderfully carefree morning, perfect temps, sunny, and trippin' on mushrooms in NYC at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with ALL of the people I love, lunch at some paradise of food buffets, then to be teleported home to finish the day smoking weed and watching tele. Maybe some "doin' it" later with someone, if I'm not too full still."
"To steal the pink panther diamond."
"To feature at more clubs."
"Hiccups. For both speed and decibel.
"Why don't you bring as many presents to the poor kids in my neighborhood?."
"First, I'd have all the traditional Thanksgiving food. Turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie. I'd have a rustic, wholesome dinner with my family all collaborating to cook, consume, and clean up after the meal.
And then, just like the Pilgrims did, I'd eat a punch of ergot-tainted wheat and just trip out of my skull for a couple hours."
"To prove stroking my beard really does grant wishes.
"Idk, maybe peas?"
"Man Vs Dumpster: An Urban Camping Survival Guide."
Tucker James Rowan
"Ice Road Tucker- Menthol cigarettes and pork cracklins.
"To defeat the Empire."
"A. To sleep in more. B. To sleep in MORE SUPERMODELS. C. To sleep. (answer: A. & C.)"
"Neo Neo-ball-itan: A carton of three different flavors of ice cream. Chocolate, vanilla and balls. On the box, there is a picture of Keanu Reeves."
"To do my kegels so I can literally break a dick in half."
"Are you hiring?
" How do you deliver all those presents in one night? [Leans in and whispers] You're really The Flash aren't you?"